Intro.- Reflections on March 30,2011

So, I have never really been on to give up something on Lent. I know many people do, but I never really have. Perhaps, I am still inwardly rebelling against my catholic school teachings, though I doubt Sister Linda, is shaking her head reading this blog thinking she is a failure. So, I know i'm a little late to the lent game, but nonetheless rather than give something up, why not just find something I may be missing. Lent as described by Wikipedia (And I think I heard my Pastor say this as well, or maybe it was Sister Linda, who knows that woman made a huge impression on my life) is said to be a time of preparation for the commemoration of Jesus death and resurrection. So as I pondered this, I realized maybe instead of giving something up I need to take something on. God's love was physically manifested through Jesus, and as if that weren't enough God's love is constantly around us every day, but if were not consciously looking for it then how can we find it. The more amazing thing is that the journey to find it tends not to be extremely difficult, but it does tend to be extremely life changing. When we can consider how much God's love surrounds us, we realize how essential and transformational our relationship with him truly is. So, if you read this please don't write me off as lazy or "sacrilegious" for not denying your typical sweets, or television time, though be sure that both are considerably already minimal for me as I don't have cable, and sugar keeps me up at night. Rather, I've chosen to deny myself worry and doubt, by focusing in on his love in and around me.

As I begin, let me explain that I had no real desire to do this as it is incredibly tedious, and I am a college student and youth director, another words, I already have to write a lot so why add to the load. God really put this in my heart in light of some things i've been facing lately.

So, yesterday was hard. Coupled with this forty day journey, i've also decided to try and read through the Bible in forty days. I didn't really know how to go about it, all I knew was that I had to read between 18-20 chapters a day. It's been a very awesome experiences thus far, and I'm already seeing so many things that I realize I may have missed. I had started with the book of Ephesians, since Elevation Church, had been doing Sermon Series on it and view it regularly. This really got me considering love, and it was a good thing, looking for God's love yesterday was challenging to say the least.

Yesterday, for myself as a leader was a day of struggling with inadequacy, or at least the deception of inadequacy. I had a situation within my youth ministry, that made me realize how much surrendering to fear, can really disrupt progress, and effect those around you. Basically, I failed to properly address a situation that God had put in my heart to address, and the cost was higher than I could have imagined. Coupled with the feelings of inadequacy, comes the fear that I might somehow not be called (It's amazing how the enemy can use the littlest thing, to really disrupt what God's trying to do, more on this later). After owning up, and immediately doing what I should have done a long time ago (and I do mean immediately) a small reminder came to mind, something thats been keeping me for awhile. It was 2 Corinthians 12:9: But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Paul says this, when explaining "a thorn in his flesh," that he had asked God to take away, and that was God's reply. It really struck a chord, within the context of this situation and many others my thorn had been fear of confrontation, and I realized that this was a thorn that God has been calling me to remove from my life, and I knew I had to thank God for this teachable moment. I had to see his love in this moment, because even with the pain I knew in my heart that "his grace would be sufficient, and his power would be made perfect in my weakness," in other words, even in failure God was gonna have my back, but he needed me to learn this lesson, and now was the time for me to learn it. I was suddenly so thankful for such a moment. And it brought me to realize how much God love's me, rather than allowing me to repeat my mistakes and make an incredible fool of myself and the ministry I serve in, he used this moment to teach me an incredible lesson, and know that even in this he still had a plan, and he still loved me.

In closing, if anyone does actually read this, realize this is a window into my life, and one that was certainly not easy to open. And the purpose is to challenge myself, and hopefully challenge those around me to really see God's love for us, as we are his children, his friends, and above all else his creation. Since most of my thoughts process through music, I though I'd end with something I wrote after all of this.

"You cover all of my weakness/ Your grace is enough for my failures/ Your promises always are true/ You made a plan for redemption/ You are my hope for salvation/ You are the God who lives in me/ And all of your love, it set's me free"

***Also after i published this i realized in order to complete my Bible journey, I would need to actually read about 30 chapters a day. Don't worry IM NOT QUITTING!!! Though I will be playing a lot less xbox :))