Religion, Relationship, and the Emptiness Between

I recently began reading a book by Mike Guzzardo, called "The Great Divide." (I know what your wondering, how can she read anything else, lol well i found time) In it he says something very interesting in reference to the disciples, "Because they responded exactly the way he asked, they experienced God exactly the way he promised." This thought has been toiling through my head since I read it. How often do we consider the practicality of this within our own lives. So, then I further explored what those promises. Galations 5:22-23 says "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit." Curious is it not? What limits are experience with God? The great reality is that we are the great limiters. Whether it is through our excuses or our compromise, we limit ourselves from experiencing the fullness of God's promises.

As I consider myself, I consider the exchanges that occur or need to occur in my life. Jesus said, "For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it." My perception throughout my faith journey camProxy-Connection: keep-alive
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to an incredibly crucial point, that is starting to unveil itself even more now. The best life I can possibly lead, is only possible by my submission to God and his will for my life. Anything less than complete submission, is me settling for less than God intended. As I read through the Old Testament I realize just how important this exchange really is. God was constantly reminding the Israelites that if they submitted to him with all their hearts, and obeyed him in all their ways, he would fulfill all he had promised.

So often we look at obediance as a chore, not considering that the outcome is the best life we can possibly lead. Consider the fruits of the spirit, one of the many promises we see throughout his word. As we live in obediance, we in turn experience the benefits. Oddly enough, we look for these benefits in the world around us, when eventually we all have to face the fact that they are incredible temporary. God offers a constant state of peace, a consistent expression of his love, and the list goes on and on. But if we never meet our part of the exchange, how can we recieve the benefits.

It's very easy to get caught up in obediance, to the point where we view it as a burden. Living in obediance isn't simply something we do to get to heaven, it's the most beneficial thing we can do for ourselves on this earth. Our lives are testimonies to his glory and his love.

Beyond the Emotions

Getting back to a schedule, is def. not easy. Let me review some of the things I've missed in the past week in a half. So before this whole thing with my eye began, I had promised to review some of the Battlecry whoas, but in light of everything that happened it seems so irrelevant, other than to say there were def. some ups and downs, but overall (with the exception, of this infection I enjoyed it). Looking beyond that the following week gave me a real opportunity to be reminded of all those people around me who really care. Primarily my grandparents and my sister, who were literally taking care of me, placing in my medication, making me meals, helping me do pretty much everything. On top of the many others who called texted, visited, and sent prayers my way. It's always a beautiful reminder to know how much people really care.

In light of this, I've been really considering somethings in my reading. Primarily, this concept of being made in God's image and what that means. I feel like I may touch on a delicate subject, but in light of the amount of times the word says "He Loves," "He is Jealous," and such. I began to wonder what character trait's we take from God. What are the things we experience? And what are things we take and twist? Something like jealousy, can be natural yet so easily accelerated into deep rooted anger and resentment. Though with God, we see it's rooted in his character of Righteousness, with us it seems so rooted in our love of self. In other word's his jealousy comes from being our creator, having a right to be such. Ours tends to stem from a desire to serve our desires and intentions. Though this isn't just about jealousy specifically, this is really about emotion, and furthermore the purity of emotion that we find in God's character.

I mean quite obviously he's the creator, but oddly enough we have the privilege of being made in his image.

Going through the early Old Testament, my frustrations were always in the constant doubt that the Israelite's had. Even being lead by the presence of God, but it made me realize just how strong human emotion really is, and how much the sin in humanity, is rooted in this sense to serve self. Where God is so rooted in Love and Righteousness, and there is such a beautiful purity that pours out of that. So much so, that Jesus came to resolve what we could never do for ourselves.

I've been seeing the love, in those who reflect the pure loving character of God, and live the example of Jesus. Being with my grandparents who truly Loved and Served me the way I would imagine Jesus would've really showed me that. Having those close to me express such concern for me and my well being showed me that. I see love in God's creation, but more in what it was meant to be, not what we have necessarily become. There is something beautiful about the people of God living the way he meant us to be, loving and serving one another.

Updates

I just wanted to clarify some things about my absence. For those who may not already know, I have a considerably serious eye infection, which has minimilized the vision in my right eye, making it very difficult to do much of anything. This includes, blogging, reading, answering text messages/ emails, or crossing the street. Due to these reasons, I stopped blogging, but have been trying to continue my readings to as much as I am capable of. I am very thankful to all of you who have been praying for me, but be aware that no matter what God is still good, he is still faithful, and I still love just as much, if not more because he never left me. Like I tell the youth group all the time, Walking in relationship with God does not mean that circumstances and trials won't come, it just means that we will be qualified to face them knowing he is with us. As a good friend advised me, I just wanted to leave you guys with something. This is video from a youth conference I taught at recently, hope you enjoy.

Part One: http://vimeo.com/22122769

Part Two: http://vimeo.com/22122961

Much Love, Peace and Mad Blessings

BattleCry Hysteria

In Light of the Battle cry hysteria I figured it'd be worthwhile to relax and write a collective blog recording all my stresses, frustrations and divine encounters. So please keep an eye out. Also, I have been dutifully keeping up with my readings, which I think has also mentally effected my reaction to the event. More to come, as well as pics from the day <3

Peace and Mad Blessings

Day 8-Numbers and Mustaches

I figured this title would be fairly entertaining, and I'll do my best to unpack it. Well I'm in the book of Numbers, so there goes the interpretation for that. Let me just say the amount of access the Israelites had to the Lord is somewhat overwhelming. A key point in this being they sought after him. Yesterday, during rehearsal we were reviewing the song "Fire Fall Down." I was never really a fan, to be honest, i guess not until yesterday. In light of the fact that I was reading numbers. Here are the bridge lyrics that I am referring to:

Fire fall down
Fire fall down
On us we pray
As we seek you

During the season of Passover, the Israelites, would regularly make their sacrifices, and a Fiery Cloud would hover over them. Basically if the cloud would move, they would pick up camp and move as well. It was interesting, because as Eric highlighted yesterday, it isn't just the were asking God to send fire down, were making it a point to seek him. Throughout Numbers, as much as the book addresses the account of the people of Israel, there is also the description of their individual duties as people. Each tribe has responsibilities, in this way they sought after God, and they called for his Fire. In light of this, it brings to mind how much we as people call for the fire, but don't match it with the necessary action steps. Many a time even prayer becomes something that we do, avoiding the reality that God may be calling you to do the very thing your praying for another.

I have been very blessed in my life, to have some really transformational friendships. I remember when I was younger, my mother used to tell me, by the time your 20 you'll be luck if you can count your friends on one hand. Well, she was def. right in a way. So many people have come and gone throughout my life. Whether it be through elementary school and high school. Though yesterday I really began to reflect on how God has moved me through some of these friendships. To begin, is really my friendship with Dorothy. This always fascinated me, cause looking back I feel like God had to work backwards with me. Most of my friendships at a young age, were with people significantly older than me. Throughout our friendship we've moved from a place of friendship to sisterhood, and the entire family has never made me feel any less than that which is pretty incredible. With this first friendship it kind of seemed like God was moving me into adulthood, lol, as it was with many friendships at the ripe old age of 12 lol. Seriously, i remember myself as being pretty darn mature. I was known in my family as the prosecutor. :))

Then as i moved into my numerical adulthood, and me and Rachel began our friendship. It's funny, because I felt like friendship wise I've learned so much on both ends, how to be an adult, but really how to enjoy life/and be an adult. I often highlight to Rachel and Jason, that they are a like the coolest married couple I know (One of Them ::wink::). Any and every time I've spent with Rachel has always been so much fun. We've had our tears, but I really learned how to enjoy life, and eventually this lead me to be able to find a balance. So many time's as Christians we get so focused in all the things we can't do, that we look at life with Jesus as a chore. I feel like life is a celebration, of the God whom we serve. The fact the we live and breathe is a testament of his great love, how could we not live happily in this.

Oddly Enough, my friendship with Rachel really lead me into a friendship with my own sister. Who is probably one of the most amazing, most beautiful, and most loving people I have ever met. Being friends with Rachel (Who is Dorothy's younger sister), really helped me understand my sister, and the things she went through. In that understanding, we moved from being simply be siblings, to building a trust relationship that I'm def. still finding a balance for, but I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

I'm surrounded by loads of really awesome friends today, in that way I guess I proved my mom wrong :)). Whether Margarita or Eric or Pastor Lou. There all so much apart of the person that I'm becoming now. And the truth is I see Jesus in all of them. It's funny, what brought this review of relationships to mind was actually a joke among some of my most recent friends, Vanessa and Vicki. Yesterday, Vicki went to Party City and got us all mustaches. It's amazing how quickly, my friendships with them have been built. And it's Very silly indeed, and it would take way to long to explain the inside joke to which this speaks to (If you ever see me wearing the mustache shirt Vicki got me feel free to ask <3), but with my friendships with them, it feels like God is taking me back to a place of Innocence.

I feel like in many ways in light of the experiences I had when I was younger, I lost some of that, and God had to take me backwards to find it again. So yesterday, I saw God's love in the journey. So often we're not willing to consider just how much God is actually moving in our lives. I really feel that he knew he had to move me through life in this way, to bring me back to the person he intended for me to be. Being innocent, is so much beyond being blameless, but about being an empty slate for him to mold. In light of this Journey, it brings to light just how much he makes all things work together for my good, just how much he really loves me.

Thank You God <3

Day 7- The Act

Completed Leviticus......and boy oh boy do we have a lot to be thankful for. Reading through Levitucus, really brings to light, just how much Jesus PERFECT sacrifice really meant. The book highlights all of the different types of sacrifices, as well as cultural customs the people had to maintain in order to stay clean and able to dwell in the presence of the Lord. It was def. a difficult book to get through, but it does leave you saying thank you. Thank You Lord for your sacrifice, and your love for us. Mainly because even in the book of Leviticus, we see that he was working for was that he could dwell with us, with his people.

Yesterday, in my film class we reviewed a film called "Boudu Saved From Drowning." The film is kind of like a social commentary about the differences in class structure, as well the way we act within those class structures. What caught my attention through this class was the idea of the "Act." I remember awhile back I had seen some advertisement asking are we "Fans or Followers of Jesus." A curious question, and in reviewing this question I became curious what differentiates one from the other. There are some obvious things, but one that is obvious, that we may not want to admit is the "Act." There are roles we play in life, daughter, sister, and friend. But then there are the acts we put on.

Awhile back we had our Youth Sunday, which addressed the topic of Worship, and how our Acts need to be matched with our attitudes. It may be easy to highlight this in light of Worship, but what about in light of our everyday lives which are called to be worship. Where we are called to become living sacrifices. God's love reaches out so far from us, that it cancels out "The Act," to which so many people subscribe to. I mean consider again social networking, and "The Acts" people are putting on. The pictures that go up and the words that are shared. I mean who is really "LOL-ing"........LOL, and to be honest I don't think anyone is really LMBO-ing either. I highlight this to say that God made a way that none of us could suffer from having to put on the "Act" or deal with the very repercussions of it.

We all know what the Act looks like. It's when your in church one day praising God, and the cursing your brother the next. Unfortunately, the world has seen so much of the "Act," they've lost sight of his love, which drives the attitude. In light of this, I wanna make it a point to become aware of my actions with any and every audience. I don't want my relationship with God to only be dictated by the word's I say but the life I live. I wanna highlight the little things, opening the door for someone, or saying thank you, or even saying your welcome.

In turn I wanna consider the attitude behind this daily. As my professor was saying this, I was considering what this means in light of society today. My professor doesn't act like a teacher he is, And I don't just call myself a christian, I must be known by my love for those around me.

Day 6-The Journey and Beyond

So looking back on the early days of this journey, which was only about 5 or six days ago respectively. I thought it would be worth sharing some difficulties in this experience. I’m slowly starting to realize that this journey really began a few months back, with a FB status I had put up which read “If you don’t look for God’s love in everything, it’s hard to see him in anything.” Just as an encouragement to those reading to consider this in light of everyday life. If you don’t feel like your seeing him in your life, then make yourself consciously aware of where you may not be acknowledging him in your life. How often do we thank God for waking up in the morning? For having a place to live? For having a job? Or even for being able to purchase groceries? It may seem silly, or overly analytical, but trust me when you realize how much he’s in it may blow your mind, and provide you with a new found level of appreciation, a word that seems to be lost in our society.

My yesterday was busy to say the least. I got an awesome opportunity to work an event the Hammerstein ballroom. I was just a lowly production assistant, but it was such an honor to be apart of such a large event. What amazed me the most, and I suppose in light of my Exodus readings, is the concept of excellence. Our standards of excellence for our lives as individual are………well questionable. This event yesterday took hundreds of hours of work, and time. They had people and equipment pouring in and out and every job was equally important in light of the larger task that was being completed. Things like placing a brochure at every seat were just as important as setting up the stage for the band, or doing a sound check. Oddly enough I saw the Love of God in the character of the people I was working with. It was so amazing to see them set such high standards with each and every task, granted it’s was a multi-million dollar event, everyone took an incredible pride in everything they put their hand to. This took me back to us being made in God’s image.

Within the book of Exodus there is a time when Moses goes up to Mount Sinai for forty days and forty nights. During this time the Lord instructs him on the building of the tabernacle, as God has a desire to constantly live among his people (Funny how he’s been working for this throughout history, how blessed we are). The details of his instruction are what amazed me. If you didn’t know, God has a certain level of excellence that we may not necessarily be able to achieve, but does that mean we don’t try? Our lives’ are meant to give all glory and honor back to him, isn’t a simple way to do this by honoring him in the way we treat every job and every action. Though we can’t achieve perfection, can we give God our best? My grandmother constantly told me growing up, Do everything as if it was unto God. Another words, give my best to everything. I want to strive for this in my relationships, at my job, with my friends, and with my words. Honor God with a personnel standard of excellence. Even in light of the simple things. Something like making a meal for a family member, or arriving on time for church, are all standards of excellence in which we can honor God.

In light of this I really want to make it a point to examine the way I honor God with a standard of excellence. With everything I do, not just where it’s convenient. I know this is a weird thing to see his love in, but I feel like as I see God’s character, operating In excellence is something that can only be done out of love. This is both for ourselves and for those around us.

Day 5-April 3- Doubts and Changes

My Eyes are in Exodus, but I think my heart is still in Genesis. There seemed to be so much fear, from so many men of God. Who were seeing God, literally. It's amazing that it isn't easier for people considering that he lives in us daily. Even in Exodus, Moses sense of doubt as God is commissioning him forward, was well astonishing. The doubt of God's people was even more worrisome (Hello!! Manna from heaven!!) Anyways, considering the idea of doubt, I wonder why this is such an easy human trait to cling to. We doubt God's love? His presence? His spirit inside of us? We even go as far as to doubt his sense of right and wrong? I get so fascinated by the idea that there are shades of gray. No, there are no shades of Gray....There are shades of Grace though. Every time we consider something a "Gray" area, it's when we call for the coverage of Grace, but it's ignorant to think that it comes at no cost, We pay the price for our actions. The same way even Moses and his people did. So many of us never see the promised land in our lives, we get so caught up in the impossibilities of a life for God, that we reject the idea of a life with God.

I decided to do a little NYC wandering yesterday, in an effort to get some clothes for a job, I'm working today. I really only intended to go to about one place, but in light of the beautiful day I figured I'd wander. It became a real sight, to walk the streets and see how much the schematic of this neighborhood has changed. I also had to reflect on how much people in this neighborhood have changed, and in turn how much the world has changed. It seems like people just don't live and communicate in the same way anymore. Yesterday, as I passed through St. Marks I actually saw two girls who really looked like they would normally had no business being together, as there styles were.....different. One was a young Muslim girl, which was clear by her headdress, the other clearly a "skater girl." They were both skateboarding, at least the not so skater chick, was trying. And it was just an interesting sight, how two people who from the outside look so different and they end up together. Their they were sharing their talents, and learning their ways. How often does God do this in our lives? He takes things that from the outside, don't seem to fit with our perspective, but are for the purpose of his plan. He definitely does this through relationship, i.e. I def. did not think that me and Rachel would ever be best friends, we were very different. BUT even with our sense of doubt towards what he asks of us, we doubt it cause in our eyes we see them as so opposite, when in fact the things God asks of our lifestyles are intended just as much for us, as they are for him. Though we become living sacrifices by honoring him in this way, we tend not to look incredibly foolish throughout the course of our life, and in turn not pay the consequences for such foolishness. Another example, The Facebook Craze! So yesterday, I saw a status update of someone in my news feed that said "INSERT NAME is a cheating whore." What's funny is apparently soon facebook will be charging a monthly fee (Apparently they've realized that people are willing to pay for the right to make ignorant remarks towards each other). Now I know the person who said this, and believe me not her finest moment (BTW not from my church, so don't bother looking). But even in light of the way we communicate, imagine how much of a headache we would save, if we took each offense and handled it God's way instead of our own. Our communication, or lack their of has literally destroyed so many relationships, and tainted so much of our character. And in the end our words and actions are so much more a reflection of us than of those we comment about. God loved us so much that he made it very clear how to live our live not only for him, but to the best that we were capable of.

In light of this I really wanna consider what it means to lead a holy purpose driven life. Not just obeying, but looking behind what that obedience is purposed for. That I would never become annoyed or frustrated with the things God asks of me, that I would rejoice in knowing that it is for the benefit of both of our relationships, and in light of the world I encounter on a day to day basis.

People say i'm strange does it make me a stranger? My best friend was born in a manger. -DC Talk, Jesus Freak

Day 4, April 2- Not Quite What I Expected

So I finished my Genesis experience and now moving in to Exodus. Some thoughts to consider in light of Genesis (Though I know I shared briefly on this yesterday), relationship in Genesis was SOOOO serious. Not just between God and Man, but between families, and the concept of Honor was so important. This honor that God was seeking from man and found in Abraham, and even as the honor is continued through Joseph at the end of the book is so trans formative (Side note Joseph is my favorite story in the Bible, and I grew up having my grandfather tell it to me over and over, I guess there is just something about Visionaries, and World Changers that I love :)). Though it's interesting through the esteem of honor, how the highest level of Love can be shown. One thing I love about Joseph, was his ability to look at the big picture and constantly honor God, His Family around him. Whether it was his employer (Potiphor), or the Pharaoh of Egypt, he had a deep commitment to honoring what God had called him to do, and always stood obediant to task.

Honor through relationship definitely moved through my heart, in light of the youth service on Friday, as well as yesterday. Yesterday, was a real eye opener to how I have not best honored my family relationships. Definitely not every relationship, but some key ones. Perhaps it was being in a celebration, mixed with a lot of past and present, which really brings a lot of reflection to heart and mind. It truly made me consider how much I've really been present. A lot of this came about as I was watching my godson and realizing just how much I had missed. A few months back I had a weird interaction, which really made me question whether or not I was at all qualified to be part of his life. I've dealt with a lot of mental inadequacy issues, as a general result of my life experiences. All to say I realized how much I had actually been discouraged, and how much I had allowed that discouragement to effect my presence. And it brought to my mind a thought, there are so many people (including God) that we are willing to die for, but at what cost are we willing to live for them? Whether it's a self-sacrifice of convenience, or time, or personal perception, what are we willing to lay down with what we have now? (Just to make it clear, no one has ever expressed this to me, these are personal feelings that I processed alone, my family loves me very dearly)

In light of a God relationship, it is much easier to say I would die for him, rather than I would live for him. Because it requires constant sacrifice, constant love, constant obedience, and constant, consideration. In light of this I also realized that value of the relationships around me and how God has constantly provided me with family at every time of need. For me personally I feel that the family he has surrounded me with, whether through blood or through friendship, is such an amazing sign of his love, because its the one that I know for certain I do not deserve, I have not earned, and nothing has qualified me to have those relationships. Many times with those I consider family, I almost feel like I'm seeing a different character trait of Jesus, because of their undying love for him, and their constant faith in me and all that I work towards.

I'm incredibly privileged, but don't want to ever take advantage of or not honor those relationships that I am privileged to. Looking forward in response to his love for me, I need to honorably respond to those hes given me, and I encourage you all to consider the same thing. Honor your family even when it's difficult. Honor the time you spend with them, consider it as priceless. My pastor had shared with me how one thing he is loving about his decision to give up television during this season of Lent. His sacrifice has allowed him to completely focus his time and attention fully when he is with his son. How often do we do that in our relationships with God and with others? In church are we not so quick to consider our cell phones and our neighbors rather than honoring this time that we are in God's presence? At homes do we value the dinners and the conversations that we have with our families. Let's set ourselves to a new level of relationship honor.

So I'm taking the family/friend challenge and reaffirming all of those relationships. Starting......today <3

"Love what you knows true/ It holds you/ Stop waiting for something else new/ Hold on, Hold on "

Day 3- April 1

What a strangely beautiful day. Rainy days tend to bring out the sluggish version of Eden Martinez, but somehow God really brought to light some beautiful things. I'm in Genesis, and exploring the beginning, really brings to light how amazing the God we serve is. Speaking life into existence and all, last time I checked NOT a simple task, and pretty much impossible for us humans. Though even beyond the stories of creation, it's amazing how God was even then seeking relationship with his people. His coming to Noah and Abraham, is nothing short of amazing. To think how much in his presence they actually were, is beyond me. And how much care he had for them, to make lasting covenants with them. (Encourage you to check out the direct interaction between God and Abraham in chapter 18)

In light of relationships, I really began to explore the relationships around me. As I was at work yesterday, and it was a co-workers last day with us, it seemed like the perfect day to do so. So for those of you who don't know I work at an after school on the Lower East Side, affiliated with a local church in the area. It functions directly out of an elementary/high school, which can be in itself challenging as we have a scattered age range. This relationship challenge to myself, has been to really look at my job as ministry. Just to fill you in I have two great ministry loves Youth & Worship. As much as I have been thankful for my job, I hadn't fully gotten to a place where I consider it a ministry. (And before you freak out, No I'm not handing out tracks and converting kids on the spot, though I do wear my God Belongs in My City Shirt ever so often) The truth is I'm privileged to be able to work with youth on a day to day basis, though it's funny how you add the word job to is and the view of the task becomes so different. It becomes daunting, frustrating, and even a little turn off, rather than considering the fact that God has privileged me to be an extension of YW8? Youth Ministry everywhere I go, anywhere I encounter a young person. And as St. Francis of Assisi once said, "Preach the Gospel always, and if necessary use words." In light of my job and even with my coworkers, it's so incredible to see the level of relationship I've become privileged to. The reality is there is a lot of pain and circumstance that I've seen at my job. I began to realize what the realities of ministry within the urban context are. There is so much pain and loss that people have to work through despite their age or circumstance. Many at my job have lost parents or close loved ones, these things have obviously had incredible effects on their lives. So I've resolved to take every day at my job as an opportunity, because when I spend time with the kids their I realize they like everyone else in this world are looking for love.

A lot of this came about, because at my job one of the young girls that I'm close to had requested me on facebook. I know that facebook is like the place to be, but to be honest I had no idea why she wanted to be friends with me outside of work. And I realized she really considers me a friend, as I am learning to also look at her as well as the many others that have friend requested me as well.

So no I don't have any plans of having a Bible Service at my job, but I do believe I can make it a point to let the Gospel shine through me in every interaction day in and day out. That people would constantly see his love, and that when asked I can give glory directly back to him as he is teaching me not only how to his love, but how to live his love.