Rites of Passage

This past weekend I had the opportunity to celebrate my birthday, and it was a pretty great celebration. For me I guess theirs always an inward sadness because I'm getting older, but one of the beautiful things about birthdays are the memories we become surrounded by with the people we celebrate with. Sometimes it means reconnecting with old friends, or acknowledging new ones. However it may be I started to consider the Rites of Passage within our society and culture. This seems to be something that just really lost it's place amongst an Urban and Hispanic culture. IN considering this its unavoidable to consider the value of birthdays, graduations, and even just the value of the transitions we make in life. Sweet sixteens and Quinceanera don't just represent really expensive celebrations, there transitional reflections on the life of child becoming a woman.

As I read John 2 I continued thinking about this idea. In this chapter Jesus performs his first public miracle. This story actually plays out in a pretty amazing way, because Jesus mother informs him that "there is no wine." Jesus proceeds to reply, "My hour has not come yet." His mother had an expectation of him. She knew who he was and what he was capable of. Perhaps what is really lost with these Rite's of Passage is the idea of expectation. Most of these celebrations and times we kids just really aren't ready for. A young person graduating from Middle School, probably doesn't fully understand what going into high school means, and I doubt that someone celebrating a sweet sixteen really understands what it's like to become a woman. But the expectations of family and peers certainly publicly expresses their support and encouragement in these times.

Curiously enough, I have to wonder what the Church's role is in this, and how do we affirm these Rites of Passage. How do ministries tie into graduations and birthday celebrations? And how do we affirm our own Rites of Passage like Baptism, or even first communion? I guess I'm asking this because these landmarks in our lives are monumental transformative moments, and as the church we are called to live in relationship with Christ and with each other. Believing that together we can live in service to him, and ultimately live the best life possible to us on this earth. In reality these transitions have become lost and many times undervalued. Many see some things as to traditional, or to overdone, but the point of many of these moments is to really understand what the transition is. Spiritually during a baptism we become a completely new creation, and this marks a celebration moment, where we publicly declare Jesus as Lord of our life. Likewise similar celebrations all mark important moments that can't simply be looked over, but really have to be acknowledged and celebrated.

My 23 birthday celebration, was literally probably the best ever. It was a great reminder of the old and the new in my life, and ultimately a great look into how far I've been able to come in life. I have amazing friends and family, that I can 100% rely on. I am also able to look at life, and recognize, I'm and adult lol. I knew this, but Saturday was a pretty big reminder, mainly because I realized how much God had help me build in my life in however many years. Those friendships, would not have been possible had it not been for his love and mercy. Time is an incredibly precious commodity, and I'm happy to say I've done my best to honor the time I have spent on this earth.

Peace and Rest

I heard it said recently, that the greatest person we have to overcome in this world is ourselves. David, one of my new favorite characters, lived this true. Sometime around the end of his reign he had a census taken, eventually he realized that this was something God did not want him to do, so he approached God for forgiveness. So as a result, God sent his prophet to relay a message for him, God would allow him to choose his own punishment. He had three choices,“Shall there come on you three^[b] years of famine in your land? Or three months of fleeing from your enemies while they pursue you? Or three days of plague in your land? Now then, think it over and decide how I should answer the one who sent me.” David eventually chose the three days of plague throughout the land. After I read this I had to wondered what it was that drove David to force the people of Israel to pay for his sins, there was only one option of the three that actually would have caused him to pay. Something like 70000, Israelites were killed because of his choice. And eventually he came to his senses, and asked God to hold only him accountable for his sins.

Looking further people throughout the Bible have had this struggle to overcome self, Peter, and Jonah, so many of their issues just lied within. They had been surrounded and exposed to a world that taught the one thing, and in the time of greatest testing they turned to their inward emotion. Peter denied Jesus, after walking with him for so long, he had a fear that overcame the years of his friendship. Jonah, despite knowing God's call chose to run, as if you can run from an all present God.

I consider all this to say, that it's really easy day to day to point our issues and problems at someone else. But there are things that no one else can do. No one else can make decisions for me, I make them, and I live with them. I guess this is so important to me, because I feel as though a lot of time we give a lot of power to forces and people around us, by saying that they've driven us to do so much. Without giving acknowledgment to the cross and how much it's freed us from. My grandfather once told me (And I'm sure other have said it), that Satan's great deception, was confusing you about who you are. Because if we knew and accepted who we were, we'd understand the overcoming power we have through Christ, and the authority we have on this earth.

Yesterday, I got to catch up with Dorothy. Who for many years has been one of my most trusted friends. And no this is not a reflection on friendship, this is actually a reflection on rest. I suppose one of the best things about having a great friend, is knowing that you can honestly share with them. So many times in life, just the burden of knowledge can become so cumbersome. It becomes a constant weight, on our hearts. And oddly enough a driving force to weigh us down from where God is probably trying to move us. I guess in considering this, It brings to reality one of the many strengths in prayer. We cast our burdens on someone who is really able to carry and help us untangle the web of thoughts we are trying to process. This is perhaps one of the most loving things God allows us to do. We don't deserve such access to him, yet freely he has given it to us.

I said that this was a reflection on rest, because I really feel like rest is the releasing of burdens, and the peace of knowing that theres really no need to worry. I am definitely a worrier, and I have very little doubts about God and how much he is capable of, but something within me tends to worry when I have to rely on the people around me. It isn't even a lack of faith at times, I guess it just feels like certain experiences of being let down have become all consuming. Which is why it becomes so important to release those worries to God. Lately, that's really where i've been at. I feel so much uncertainty about my future, and about what i'm supposed to. Or maybe i'm just afraid to make decisions and step out. Whatever it is, it's frustrating, and leaves me quite anxious, and doubtful. So i've just been asking God to show me, and lead the way. And for some reason, I find peace in that. Even when I don't have the answer, things just feel better and more at ease. So many times we don't look to him for his promises, so we never experience the fullness of his word.

The Father's Heart

Reconsidering David's life as a whole, I began to consider what it really meant to be someone after God's own heart. His life was curious to say the least. What distinguished him from Saul, wasn't simply that he never seemed to repeat a mistake, but he had a genuine desire to please and understand God. He also seemed to crown God as king throughout his life. There were very interesting things that set Saul and David apart. In Phillipian's 2 (apparently the chapter of the year) it says (in reference to Jesus) "Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant." How does this relate to David? Well In considering why he was a man after God's own heart, I can't help but wonder if it was simply because unlike Saul and those around him he really understood his role. No, he was not perfect, but unlike his predecessor he understood that his title as King meant very little apart from God. In every battle and circumstance, he would consult with God regarding what he should do. He showed true humility, and was willing to set aside his pride, in knowing that ultimately God's vision for Israel was far greater than his could ever be.

The idea of humility is something so absent amidst our society. Even in Christians. It's not simply humility in the sense of the way we function with one another, but essentially with God. What holds us back from consulting with God throughout our lives? Before David went into any battle he would consult with the Lord to see, how and which way he should go. Everyday we face the challenges and battle of living in this world. Yet so often we are willing to put aside consulting with the Lord. Perhaps it's the fear of not getting an answer, though God may not verbally address us, I don't think it's beyond reason to assume he hears our prayers and leads our hearts in the right direction. Or maybe it's the fear of getting an answer, and the reality that it probably won't be the answer we want. Either way, shouldn't we long to chase after his own concerning ourselves with what concerns him?

Yesterday, I had an interesting day of reflection. I visited my Aunt, and being in the house reminded me of a very faint memory. Awhile back I had mentioned Sister Linda. She was one of my teachers in elementary school. About a month before I began the year, she actually came to visit me. i had never ever met her before, and I assumed maybe it was because she was worried about me as a student or something. I soon learned she did this with every student. She literally would go to visit all her students before every year, just to meet them and their families. She sat in my living room, mind you at the time I was living in the projects with my aunt, uncle, sister, great-grandmother, and mother, in a two bedroom apartment. Part of me was embarrassed, part of me was completely transformed. It was the first school year, that I actually anticipated. I realized that I was going into a year with a teacher who cared about her students, and I knew something was different about her. I didn't understand at the time what a sister was. I just assumed they dressed up in black and prayed a lot. But its so far beyond that, she really was one of my earliest pictures of Jesus. Her humility and actions were such a clear picture, of something not of this world.

I say all this to draw into remembrance the idea that Jesus has always showed himself real to me, but it's so easy too overlook the transformative interactions to which he reveals himself in. How often do we consider the steps along the road to, which God's love reveals itself? And how would reconsidering these moments make God's presence in our lives more real, and even more tangible.

Vision and a Box of Chocolates

"Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what your gonna get" -Forest Gump's Momma

I suppose this statement could not be more true. The past few weeks have been, painful, frustrating, challenging, and I'm still not 100%, but such is life. It's interesting to learn in life, that we are creatures of habit, but we are also creatures of circumstance. Some things, can't simply be done, they need to be experienced on at a constant level. I suppose love is such...

So the past few weeks, I guess I've kept everyone on edge. I never stopped reading, but it became very difficult to pour out. I guess I had a lot of doubts, or perhaps maybe I didn't want to admit to myself that there was a very high cost to what I committed to do it, and doubted whether or not I was willing to pay it. I apologize for this epic moment of transparency. On top of the physical difficulties, and my right eye's hyper sensitivity to light. I guess my heart was a little broken, and it's hard to see something as a test when you feel a little broken, and a little weary. I kept reading through the word, looking for exactly what it was meant to bring us, hope. It's interesting how hope is such a motivational force in our hearts. The entire Bible is a story of hope.

Reading through the Old Testament, I'm realizing just how much it points to Jesus, and how much he fulfills our hopes and dreams. Throughout the book of Judges, it says that "there was no king, every man did was right in his own eyes." Interesting that the people were living with no physical king, but they had access to God and he was their king, and he allowed such a thing. He trusted that the hearts of men had been formulated with good. That within all of us their is desire to do good, and their is an understanding of the differences between good and evil within us. Still Israel cried out for a king, a physical leader, so they could be like surrounding nations. Thousands of years later, Jesus comes on the scene, and he becomes the King. He restores all of the vision that God originally intended for us, and I really believe he restored us because God ultimately believes in our capacity to do good, to love others, to do the right thing.

We often consider the difficulties in having faith in God, but do we consider how difficult it must have been to have faith in us? Our God who has worked tirelessly throughout history to ensure that we all have a fair and free will opportunity to access his presence.

I spent this past weekend with my family in Georgia, and for the past few weeks I've realized how important family is. It isn't perfect or something you can put into a neat little box. Family is messy, but somethings remain. Family will always love you. Yesterday, at my mothers church her pastor John Fichtner (who is awesome btw), said something really cool, in reference to the Father's Heart, he basically broke down three things that they were. (Hopefully I don't mess it up). One of them was the family, in thinking about this I had to consider how important it is in general to be attuned to the things of the father. When we consider God's plan for the world, it's much easier to understand God's plan for us as individuals. God purposed every family for each other, and we are all called to a standard of honor to the family he's given us. Don't get me wrong my family sometimes drives me crazy, but I love them. And my life feels most at ease when I am around them. Not just my blood, but the family God has blessed me with. The friends that have always treated me like family, the church family that gets freaked out, and goes to praying when somethings wrong with me. In Georgia family is so emphasized, and so honored, and everyone kind of treats everyone like family. In the city I guess it's easy to lose sight of that because their is so much emphasis on self, but what we miss out on is the best of ourselves. The parts of ourselves God has given, to teach and complement us, even when we don't wanna see it that way. God's love stretches out through every relationship, every time were forgiven by a loved one, every holiday where we honor a mother or a father. We honor and recognize his love for us, in those he's blessed us with. <3

Religion, Relationship, and the Emptiness Between

I recently began reading a book by Mike Guzzardo, called "The Great Divide." (I know what your wondering, how can she read anything else, lol well i found time) In it he says something very interesting in reference to the disciples, "Because they responded exactly the way he asked, they experienced God exactly the way he promised." This thought has been toiling through my head since I read it. How often do we consider the practicality of this within our own lives. So, then I further explored what those promises. Galations 5:22-23 says "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit." Curious is it not? What limits are experience with God? The great reality is that we are the great limiters. Whether it is through our excuses or our compromise, we limit ourselves from experiencing the fullness of God's promises.

As I consider myself, I consider the exchanges that occur or need to occur in my life. Jesus said, "For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it." My perception throughout my faith journey camProxy-Connection: keep-alive
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to an incredibly crucial point, that is starting to unveil itself even more now. The best life I can possibly lead, is only possible by my submission to God and his will for my life. Anything less than complete submission, is me settling for less than God intended. As I read through the Old Testament I realize just how important this exchange really is. God was constantly reminding the Israelites that if they submitted to him with all their hearts, and obeyed him in all their ways, he would fulfill all he had promised.

So often we look at obediance as a chore, not considering that the outcome is the best life we can possibly lead. Consider the fruits of the spirit, one of the many promises we see throughout his word. As we live in obediance, we in turn experience the benefits. Oddly enough, we look for these benefits in the world around us, when eventually we all have to face the fact that they are incredible temporary. God offers a constant state of peace, a consistent expression of his love, and the list goes on and on. But if we never meet our part of the exchange, how can we recieve the benefits.

It's very easy to get caught up in obediance, to the point where we view it as a burden. Living in obediance isn't simply something we do to get to heaven, it's the most beneficial thing we can do for ourselves on this earth. Our lives are testimonies to his glory and his love.

Beyond the Emotions

Getting back to a schedule, is def. not easy. Let me review some of the things I've missed in the past week in a half. So before this whole thing with my eye began, I had promised to review some of the Battlecry whoas, but in light of everything that happened it seems so irrelevant, other than to say there were def. some ups and downs, but overall (with the exception, of this infection I enjoyed it). Looking beyond that the following week gave me a real opportunity to be reminded of all those people around me who really care. Primarily my grandparents and my sister, who were literally taking care of me, placing in my medication, making me meals, helping me do pretty much everything. On top of the many others who called texted, visited, and sent prayers my way. It's always a beautiful reminder to know how much people really care.

In light of this, I've been really considering somethings in my reading. Primarily, this concept of being made in God's image and what that means. I feel like I may touch on a delicate subject, but in light of the amount of times the word says "He Loves," "He is Jealous," and such. I began to wonder what character trait's we take from God. What are the things we experience? And what are things we take and twist? Something like jealousy, can be natural yet so easily accelerated into deep rooted anger and resentment. Though with God, we see it's rooted in his character of Righteousness, with us it seems so rooted in our love of self. In other word's his jealousy comes from being our creator, having a right to be such. Ours tends to stem from a desire to serve our desires and intentions. Though this isn't just about jealousy specifically, this is really about emotion, and furthermore the purity of emotion that we find in God's character.

I mean quite obviously he's the creator, but oddly enough we have the privilege of being made in his image.

Going through the early Old Testament, my frustrations were always in the constant doubt that the Israelite's had. Even being lead by the presence of God, but it made me realize just how strong human emotion really is, and how much the sin in humanity, is rooted in this sense to serve self. Where God is so rooted in Love and Righteousness, and there is such a beautiful purity that pours out of that. So much so, that Jesus came to resolve what we could never do for ourselves.

I've been seeing the love, in those who reflect the pure loving character of God, and live the example of Jesus. Being with my grandparents who truly Loved and Served me the way I would imagine Jesus would've really showed me that. Having those close to me express such concern for me and my well being showed me that. I see love in God's creation, but more in what it was meant to be, not what we have necessarily become. There is something beautiful about the people of God living the way he meant us to be, loving and serving one another.

Updates

I just wanted to clarify some things about my absence. For those who may not already know, I have a considerably serious eye infection, which has minimilized the vision in my right eye, making it very difficult to do much of anything. This includes, blogging, reading, answering text messages/ emails, or crossing the street. Due to these reasons, I stopped blogging, but have been trying to continue my readings to as much as I am capable of. I am very thankful to all of you who have been praying for me, but be aware that no matter what God is still good, he is still faithful, and I still love just as much, if not more because he never left me. Like I tell the youth group all the time, Walking in relationship with God does not mean that circumstances and trials won't come, it just means that we will be qualified to face them knowing he is with us. As a good friend advised me, I just wanted to leave you guys with something. This is video from a youth conference I taught at recently, hope you enjoy.

Part One: http://vimeo.com/22122769

Part Two: http://vimeo.com/22122961

Much Love, Peace and Mad Blessings

BattleCry Hysteria

In Light of the Battle cry hysteria I figured it'd be worthwhile to relax and write a collective blog recording all my stresses, frustrations and divine encounters. So please keep an eye out. Also, I have been dutifully keeping up with my readings, which I think has also mentally effected my reaction to the event. More to come, as well as pics from the day <3

Peace and Mad Blessings

Day 8-Numbers and Mustaches

I figured this title would be fairly entertaining, and I'll do my best to unpack it. Well I'm in the book of Numbers, so there goes the interpretation for that. Let me just say the amount of access the Israelites had to the Lord is somewhat overwhelming. A key point in this being they sought after him. Yesterday, during rehearsal we were reviewing the song "Fire Fall Down." I was never really a fan, to be honest, i guess not until yesterday. In light of the fact that I was reading numbers. Here are the bridge lyrics that I am referring to:

Fire fall down
Fire fall down
On us we pray
As we seek you

During the season of Passover, the Israelites, would regularly make their sacrifices, and a Fiery Cloud would hover over them. Basically if the cloud would move, they would pick up camp and move as well. It was interesting, because as Eric highlighted yesterday, it isn't just the were asking God to send fire down, were making it a point to seek him. Throughout Numbers, as much as the book addresses the account of the people of Israel, there is also the description of their individual duties as people. Each tribe has responsibilities, in this way they sought after God, and they called for his Fire. In light of this, it brings to mind how much we as people call for the fire, but don't match it with the necessary action steps. Many a time even prayer becomes something that we do, avoiding the reality that God may be calling you to do the very thing your praying for another.

I have been very blessed in my life, to have some really transformational friendships. I remember when I was younger, my mother used to tell me, by the time your 20 you'll be luck if you can count your friends on one hand. Well, she was def. right in a way. So many people have come and gone throughout my life. Whether it be through elementary school and high school. Though yesterday I really began to reflect on how God has moved me through some of these friendships. To begin, is really my friendship with Dorothy. This always fascinated me, cause looking back I feel like God had to work backwards with me. Most of my friendships at a young age, were with people significantly older than me. Throughout our friendship we've moved from a place of friendship to sisterhood, and the entire family has never made me feel any less than that which is pretty incredible. With this first friendship it kind of seemed like God was moving me into adulthood, lol, as it was with many friendships at the ripe old age of 12 lol. Seriously, i remember myself as being pretty darn mature. I was known in my family as the prosecutor. :))

Then as i moved into my numerical adulthood, and me and Rachel began our friendship. It's funny, because I felt like friendship wise I've learned so much on both ends, how to be an adult, but really how to enjoy life/and be an adult. I often highlight to Rachel and Jason, that they are a like the coolest married couple I know (One of Them ::wink::). Any and every time I've spent with Rachel has always been so much fun. We've had our tears, but I really learned how to enjoy life, and eventually this lead me to be able to find a balance. So many time's as Christians we get so focused in all the things we can't do, that we look at life with Jesus as a chore. I feel like life is a celebration, of the God whom we serve. The fact the we live and breathe is a testament of his great love, how could we not live happily in this.

Oddly Enough, my friendship with Rachel really lead me into a friendship with my own sister. Who is probably one of the most amazing, most beautiful, and most loving people I have ever met. Being friends with Rachel (Who is Dorothy's younger sister), really helped me understand my sister, and the things she went through. In that understanding, we moved from being simply be siblings, to building a trust relationship that I'm def. still finding a balance for, but I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

I'm surrounded by loads of really awesome friends today, in that way I guess I proved my mom wrong :)). Whether Margarita or Eric or Pastor Lou. There all so much apart of the person that I'm becoming now. And the truth is I see Jesus in all of them. It's funny, what brought this review of relationships to mind was actually a joke among some of my most recent friends, Vanessa and Vicki. Yesterday, Vicki went to Party City and got us all mustaches. It's amazing how quickly, my friendships with them have been built. And it's Very silly indeed, and it would take way to long to explain the inside joke to which this speaks to (If you ever see me wearing the mustache shirt Vicki got me feel free to ask <3), but with my friendships with them, it feels like God is taking me back to a place of Innocence.

I feel like in many ways in light of the experiences I had when I was younger, I lost some of that, and God had to take me backwards to find it again. So yesterday, I saw God's love in the journey. So often we're not willing to consider just how much God is actually moving in our lives. I really feel that he knew he had to move me through life in this way, to bring me back to the person he intended for me to be. Being innocent, is so much beyond being blameless, but about being an empty slate for him to mold. In light of this Journey, it brings to light just how much he makes all things work together for my good, just how much he really loves me.

Thank You God <3

Day 7- The Act

Completed Leviticus......and boy oh boy do we have a lot to be thankful for. Reading through Levitucus, really brings to light, just how much Jesus PERFECT sacrifice really meant. The book highlights all of the different types of sacrifices, as well as cultural customs the people had to maintain in order to stay clean and able to dwell in the presence of the Lord. It was def. a difficult book to get through, but it does leave you saying thank you. Thank You Lord for your sacrifice, and your love for us. Mainly because even in the book of Leviticus, we see that he was working for was that he could dwell with us, with his people.

Yesterday, in my film class we reviewed a film called "Boudu Saved From Drowning." The film is kind of like a social commentary about the differences in class structure, as well the way we act within those class structures. What caught my attention through this class was the idea of the "Act." I remember awhile back I had seen some advertisement asking are we "Fans or Followers of Jesus." A curious question, and in reviewing this question I became curious what differentiates one from the other. There are some obvious things, but one that is obvious, that we may not want to admit is the "Act." There are roles we play in life, daughter, sister, and friend. But then there are the acts we put on.

Awhile back we had our Youth Sunday, which addressed the topic of Worship, and how our Acts need to be matched with our attitudes. It may be easy to highlight this in light of Worship, but what about in light of our everyday lives which are called to be worship. Where we are called to become living sacrifices. God's love reaches out so far from us, that it cancels out "The Act," to which so many people subscribe to. I mean consider again social networking, and "The Acts" people are putting on. The pictures that go up and the words that are shared. I mean who is really "LOL-ing"........LOL, and to be honest I don't think anyone is really LMBO-ing either. I highlight this to say that God made a way that none of us could suffer from having to put on the "Act" or deal with the very repercussions of it.

We all know what the Act looks like. It's when your in church one day praising God, and the cursing your brother the next. Unfortunately, the world has seen so much of the "Act," they've lost sight of his love, which drives the attitude. In light of this, I wanna make it a point to become aware of my actions with any and every audience. I don't want my relationship with God to only be dictated by the word's I say but the life I live. I wanna highlight the little things, opening the door for someone, or saying thank you, or even saying your welcome.

In turn I wanna consider the attitude behind this daily. As my professor was saying this, I was considering what this means in light of society today. My professor doesn't act like a teacher he is, And I don't just call myself a christian, I must be known by my love for those around me.

Day 6-The Journey and Beyond

So looking back on the early days of this journey, which was only about 5 or six days ago respectively. I thought it would be worth sharing some difficulties in this experience. I’m slowly starting to realize that this journey really began a few months back, with a FB status I had put up which read “If you don’t look for God’s love in everything, it’s hard to see him in anything.” Just as an encouragement to those reading to consider this in light of everyday life. If you don’t feel like your seeing him in your life, then make yourself consciously aware of where you may not be acknowledging him in your life. How often do we thank God for waking up in the morning? For having a place to live? For having a job? Or even for being able to purchase groceries? It may seem silly, or overly analytical, but trust me when you realize how much he’s in it may blow your mind, and provide you with a new found level of appreciation, a word that seems to be lost in our society.

My yesterday was busy to say the least. I got an awesome opportunity to work an event the Hammerstein ballroom. I was just a lowly production assistant, but it was such an honor to be apart of such a large event. What amazed me the most, and I suppose in light of my Exodus readings, is the concept of excellence. Our standards of excellence for our lives as individual are………well questionable. This event yesterday took hundreds of hours of work, and time. They had people and equipment pouring in and out and every job was equally important in light of the larger task that was being completed. Things like placing a brochure at every seat were just as important as setting up the stage for the band, or doing a sound check. Oddly enough I saw the Love of God in the character of the people I was working with. It was so amazing to see them set such high standards with each and every task, granted it’s was a multi-million dollar event, everyone took an incredible pride in everything they put their hand to. This took me back to us being made in God’s image.

Within the book of Exodus there is a time when Moses goes up to Mount Sinai for forty days and forty nights. During this time the Lord instructs him on the building of the tabernacle, as God has a desire to constantly live among his people (Funny how he’s been working for this throughout history, how blessed we are). The details of his instruction are what amazed me. If you didn’t know, God has a certain level of excellence that we may not necessarily be able to achieve, but does that mean we don’t try? Our lives’ are meant to give all glory and honor back to him, isn’t a simple way to do this by honoring him in the way we treat every job and every action. Though we can’t achieve perfection, can we give God our best? My grandmother constantly told me growing up, Do everything as if it was unto God. Another words, give my best to everything. I want to strive for this in my relationships, at my job, with my friends, and with my words. Honor God with a personnel standard of excellence. Even in light of the simple things. Something like making a meal for a family member, or arriving on time for church, are all standards of excellence in which we can honor God.

In light of this I really want to make it a point to examine the way I honor God with a standard of excellence. With everything I do, not just where it’s convenient. I know this is a weird thing to see his love in, but I feel like as I see God’s character, operating In excellence is something that can only be done out of love. This is both for ourselves and for those around us.

Day 5-April 3- Doubts and Changes

My Eyes are in Exodus, but I think my heart is still in Genesis. There seemed to be so much fear, from so many men of God. Who were seeing God, literally. It's amazing that it isn't easier for people considering that he lives in us daily. Even in Exodus, Moses sense of doubt as God is commissioning him forward, was well astonishing. The doubt of God's people was even more worrisome (Hello!! Manna from heaven!!) Anyways, considering the idea of doubt, I wonder why this is such an easy human trait to cling to. We doubt God's love? His presence? His spirit inside of us? We even go as far as to doubt his sense of right and wrong? I get so fascinated by the idea that there are shades of gray. No, there are no shades of Gray....There are shades of Grace though. Every time we consider something a "Gray" area, it's when we call for the coverage of Grace, but it's ignorant to think that it comes at no cost, We pay the price for our actions. The same way even Moses and his people did. So many of us never see the promised land in our lives, we get so caught up in the impossibilities of a life for God, that we reject the idea of a life with God.

I decided to do a little NYC wandering yesterday, in an effort to get some clothes for a job, I'm working today. I really only intended to go to about one place, but in light of the beautiful day I figured I'd wander. It became a real sight, to walk the streets and see how much the schematic of this neighborhood has changed. I also had to reflect on how much people in this neighborhood have changed, and in turn how much the world has changed. It seems like people just don't live and communicate in the same way anymore. Yesterday, as I passed through St. Marks I actually saw two girls who really looked like they would normally had no business being together, as there styles were.....different. One was a young Muslim girl, which was clear by her headdress, the other clearly a "skater girl." They were both skateboarding, at least the not so skater chick, was trying. And it was just an interesting sight, how two people who from the outside look so different and they end up together. Their they were sharing their talents, and learning their ways. How often does God do this in our lives? He takes things that from the outside, don't seem to fit with our perspective, but are for the purpose of his plan. He definitely does this through relationship, i.e. I def. did not think that me and Rachel would ever be best friends, we were very different. BUT even with our sense of doubt towards what he asks of us, we doubt it cause in our eyes we see them as so opposite, when in fact the things God asks of our lifestyles are intended just as much for us, as they are for him. Though we become living sacrifices by honoring him in this way, we tend not to look incredibly foolish throughout the course of our life, and in turn not pay the consequences for such foolishness. Another example, The Facebook Craze! So yesterday, I saw a status update of someone in my news feed that said "INSERT NAME is a cheating whore." What's funny is apparently soon facebook will be charging a monthly fee (Apparently they've realized that people are willing to pay for the right to make ignorant remarks towards each other). Now I know the person who said this, and believe me not her finest moment (BTW not from my church, so don't bother looking). But even in light of the way we communicate, imagine how much of a headache we would save, if we took each offense and handled it God's way instead of our own. Our communication, or lack their of has literally destroyed so many relationships, and tainted so much of our character. And in the end our words and actions are so much more a reflection of us than of those we comment about. God loved us so much that he made it very clear how to live our live not only for him, but to the best that we were capable of.

In light of this I really wanna consider what it means to lead a holy purpose driven life. Not just obeying, but looking behind what that obedience is purposed for. That I would never become annoyed or frustrated with the things God asks of me, that I would rejoice in knowing that it is for the benefit of both of our relationships, and in light of the world I encounter on a day to day basis.

People say i'm strange does it make me a stranger? My best friend was born in a manger. -DC Talk, Jesus Freak

Day 4, April 2- Not Quite What I Expected

So I finished my Genesis experience and now moving in to Exodus. Some thoughts to consider in light of Genesis (Though I know I shared briefly on this yesterday), relationship in Genesis was SOOOO serious. Not just between God and Man, but between families, and the concept of Honor was so important. This honor that God was seeking from man and found in Abraham, and even as the honor is continued through Joseph at the end of the book is so trans formative (Side note Joseph is my favorite story in the Bible, and I grew up having my grandfather tell it to me over and over, I guess there is just something about Visionaries, and World Changers that I love :)). Though it's interesting through the esteem of honor, how the highest level of Love can be shown. One thing I love about Joseph, was his ability to look at the big picture and constantly honor God, His Family around him. Whether it was his employer (Potiphor), or the Pharaoh of Egypt, he had a deep commitment to honoring what God had called him to do, and always stood obediant to task.

Honor through relationship definitely moved through my heart, in light of the youth service on Friday, as well as yesterday. Yesterday, was a real eye opener to how I have not best honored my family relationships. Definitely not every relationship, but some key ones. Perhaps it was being in a celebration, mixed with a lot of past and present, which really brings a lot of reflection to heart and mind. It truly made me consider how much I've really been present. A lot of this came about as I was watching my godson and realizing just how much I had missed. A few months back I had a weird interaction, which really made me question whether or not I was at all qualified to be part of his life. I've dealt with a lot of mental inadequacy issues, as a general result of my life experiences. All to say I realized how much I had actually been discouraged, and how much I had allowed that discouragement to effect my presence. And it brought to my mind a thought, there are so many people (including God) that we are willing to die for, but at what cost are we willing to live for them? Whether it's a self-sacrifice of convenience, or time, or personal perception, what are we willing to lay down with what we have now? (Just to make it clear, no one has ever expressed this to me, these are personal feelings that I processed alone, my family loves me very dearly)

In light of a God relationship, it is much easier to say I would die for him, rather than I would live for him. Because it requires constant sacrifice, constant love, constant obedience, and constant, consideration. In light of this I also realized that value of the relationships around me and how God has constantly provided me with family at every time of need. For me personally I feel that the family he has surrounded me with, whether through blood or through friendship, is such an amazing sign of his love, because its the one that I know for certain I do not deserve, I have not earned, and nothing has qualified me to have those relationships. Many times with those I consider family, I almost feel like I'm seeing a different character trait of Jesus, because of their undying love for him, and their constant faith in me and all that I work towards.

I'm incredibly privileged, but don't want to ever take advantage of or not honor those relationships that I am privileged to. Looking forward in response to his love for me, I need to honorably respond to those hes given me, and I encourage you all to consider the same thing. Honor your family even when it's difficult. Honor the time you spend with them, consider it as priceless. My pastor had shared with me how one thing he is loving about his decision to give up television during this season of Lent. His sacrifice has allowed him to completely focus his time and attention fully when he is with his son. How often do we do that in our relationships with God and with others? In church are we not so quick to consider our cell phones and our neighbors rather than honoring this time that we are in God's presence? At homes do we value the dinners and the conversations that we have with our families. Let's set ourselves to a new level of relationship honor.

So I'm taking the family/friend challenge and reaffirming all of those relationships. Starting......today <3

"Love what you knows true/ It holds you/ Stop waiting for something else new/ Hold on, Hold on "

Day 3- April 1

What a strangely beautiful day. Rainy days tend to bring out the sluggish version of Eden Martinez, but somehow God really brought to light some beautiful things. I'm in Genesis, and exploring the beginning, really brings to light how amazing the God we serve is. Speaking life into existence and all, last time I checked NOT a simple task, and pretty much impossible for us humans. Though even beyond the stories of creation, it's amazing how God was even then seeking relationship with his people. His coming to Noah and Abraham, is nothing short of amazing. To think how much in his presence they actually were, is beyond me. And how much care he had for them, to make lasting covenants with them. (Encourage you to check out the direct interaction between God and Abraham in chapter 18)

In light of relationships, I really began to explore the relationships around me. As I was at work yesterday, and it was a co-workers last day with us, it seemed like the perfect day to do so. So for those of you who don't know I work at an after school on the Lower East Side, affiliated with a local church in the area. It functions directly out of an elementary/high school, which can be in itself challenging as we have a scattered age range. This relationship challenge to myself, has been to really look at my job as ministry. Just to fill you in I have two great ministry loves Youth & Worship. As much as I have been thankful for my job, I hadn't fully gotten to a place where I consider it a ministry. (And before you freak out, No I'm not handing out tracks and converting kids on the spot, though I do wear my God Belongs in My City Shirt ever so often) The truth is I'm privileged to be able to work with youth on a day to day basis, though it's funny how you add the word job to is and the view of the task becomes so different. It becomes daunting, frustrating, and even a little turn off, rather than considering the fact that God has privileged me to be an extension of YW8? Youth Ministry everywhere I go, anywhere I encounter a young person. And as St. Francis of Assisi once said, "Preach the Gospel always, and if necessary use words." In light of my job and even with my coworkers, it's so incredible to see the level of relationship I've become privileged to. The reality is there is a lot of pain and circumstance that I've seen at my job. I began to realize what the realities of ministry within the urban context are. There is so much pain and loss that people have to work through despite their age or circumstance. Many at my job have lost parents or close loved ones, these things have obviously had incredible effects on their lives. So I've resolved to take every day at my job as an opportunity, because when I spend time with the kids their I realize they like everyone else in this world are looking for love.

A lot of this came about, because at my job one of the young girls that I'm close to had requested me on facebook. I know that facebook is like the place to be, but to be honest I had no idea why she wanted to be friends with me outside of work. And I realized she really considers me a friend, as I am learning to also look at her as well as the many others that have friend requested me as well.

So no I don't have any plans of having a Bible Service at my job, but I do believe I can make it a point to let the Gospel shine through me in every interaction day in and day out. That people would constantly see his love, and that when asked I can give glory directly back to him as he is teaching me not only how to his love, but how to live his love.

Day 2- March 31

I thought it'd be a great idea on this second day to really highlight for you all some what's and why's. The two whats are: Bible Reading (Or as I enjoy thinking about "God's word absorbing") as well as blogging in light of God's love per day. I highlight this to say that no one is important than the other, nor can they function separate or apart. If I wanna explore God's love in a new way, I need to find hope in his word, and what he's done. That it might bring light to what he's doing every day all around me. The word of God has become so important to me over the course of my life, because it can truly be so transformational if you allow it. One of my personnel goals for this journey, is really to fall in love with Jesus again. Before you let your mind wander and assume the worst, realize I'm not suffering or in any spiritual turmoil, But I know that it's so easy in life to simply live in obedience or ministry, and miss this love relationship that he's trying to have with us, that we might share his love with others.

So as I was considering Day Two I felt like there was so many things I saw God's love in. But I thought id share in light of my Bible readings. So, I just about completed the journey through Acts, and what an amazing journey it was, and how much I feel like I hadn't fully seen or understood. If your unaware Acts really addresses the apostles, and the development of the early church. Yesterday as I explored time with my church family in three key areas, Authority, Ministry and Friendship, I was so honored to be able to be apart of the church. For me, fear and worry comes very naturally, so I could have the best God given idea, but can be consumed with thoughts of doubt. I tend to be my own biggest judge, to tell you the truth. So when it comes to presenting new ideas, or suggestions to my Pastor's I am honestly VERY hesitant. Despite human flaws of any person, understand that God has placed Pastors in such positions, and provided them with the vision for that church and as members we function in the vision. Both in helping them cast it, as well as supporting what they do. And if you don't believe in this, I would suggest exploring Acts. Take a look at some of THE church visionaries (it may blow your mind btw). So I had a suggestion, when it came to the church curriculum in our church, and like I said very hesitant, but an opportunity presented itself. I shared the idea and my Pastor was so open, even highlighting that it was something he had never considered, and insisted we should pursue it. I know you may be looking for the love so let me explain, the church was meant to function in communion with each other, but many times our fears and worries keep us back from that communion. The feeling that we can't have a level of transparency OR we look at suggestions as undermining our authority. In Acts, one of the amazing functions of the church was in Acts 2:45- "They sold their property and possessions and shared the money with those in need.." Maybe were not willing sell our possessions, but can share what we do have with or church body? Our gifting? Our abilities? Our faith? Our honesty? (Disclaimer: Respect and honor, is incredibly important when you approach any ministry leaders about any topics, please cordially maintain that attitude). In other words, look for the love in your church! And love your church by being in relationship, being active, being honest, and believing in the vision.

Within the context of church and ministry I also have to highlight an event that happened with a member of my youth group. Yesterday, during school a young girl deemed it necessary to prank him, by "Pantsing" him (By pulling down his pants in front of others). It amazes me what kid's will do. As a youth leader the journey for me was interesting, as I had been in prayer and to consider when I spoke with him a sensitivity for his embarrassment, as well as a compassion for this young girl. What was amazing was that as I spoke with this young man, you could hear the pain in his voice, but it was so amazing as we moved the conversation towards love and forgiveness how he began to consider the circumstance of this girl, as she was facing really serious ramifications for her actions. In my conversation with his mother, she explained that she spoke with the principal of the school and she said "I have to forgive her because the God I serve." Which was pretty amazing, so many times the ultimate love is forgiveness. God has called us all to this level of forgiveness through circumstance.

I'm realizing that the church is called to be there for one another. In love, in friendship, through life. We're called to live out Christ, but also look to the lives around us to see his transformational love. Don't let the day go by without looking for it.

Intro.- Reflections on March 30,2011

So, I have never really been on to give up something on Lent. I know many people do, but I never really have. Perhaps, I am still inwardly rebelling against my catholic school teachings, though I doubt Sister Linda, is shaking her head reading this blog thinking she is a failure. So, I know i'm a little late to the lent game, but nonetheless rather than give something up, why not just find something I may be missing. Lent as described by Wikipedia (And I think I heard my Pastor say this as well, or maybe it was Sister Linda, who knows that woman made a huge impression on my life) is said to be a time of preparation for the commemoration of Jesus death and resurrection. So as I pondered this, I realized maybe instead of giving something up I need to take something on. God's love was physically manifested through Jesus, and as if that weren't enough God's love is constantly around us every day, but if were not consciously looking for it then how can we find it. The more amazing thing is that the journey to find it tends not to be extremely difficult, but it does tend to be extremely life changing. When we can consider how much God's love surrounds us, we realize how essential and transformational our relationship with him truly is. So, if you read this please don't write me off as lazy or "sacrilegious" for not denying your typical sweets, or television time, though be sure that both are considerably already minimal for me as I don't have cable, and sugar keeps me up at night. Rather, I've chosen to deny myself worry and doubt, by focusing in on his love in and around me.

As I begin, let me explain that I had no real desire to do this as it is incredibly tedious, and I am a college student and youth director, another words, I already have to write a lot so why add to the load. God really put this in my heart in light of some things i've been facing lately.

So, yesterday was hard. Coupled with this forty day journey, i've also decided to try and read through the Bible in forty days. I didn't really know how to go about it, all I knew was that I had to read between 18-20 chapters a day. It's been a very awesome experiences thus far, and I'm already seeing so many things that I realize I may have missed. I had started with the book of Ephesians, since Elevation Church, had been doing Sermon Series on it and view it regularly. This really got me considering love, and it was a good thing, looking for God's love yesterday was challenging to say the least.

Yesterday, for myself as a leader was a day of struggling with inadequacy, or at least the deception of inadequacy. I had a situation within my youth ministry, that made me realize how much surrendering to fear, can really disrupt progress, and effect those around you. Basically, I failed to properly address a situation that God had put in my heart to address, and the cost was higher than I could have imagined. Coupled with the feelings of inadequacy, comes the fear that I might somehow not be called (It's amazing how the enemy can use the littlest thing, to really disrupt what God's trying to do, more on this later). After owning up, and immediately doing what I should have done a long time ago (and I do mean immediately) a small reminder came to mind, something thats been keeping me for awhile. It was 2 Corinthians 12:9: But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Paul says this, when explaining "a thorn in his flesh," that he had asked God to take away, and that was God's reply. It really struck a chord, within the context of this situation and many others my thorn had been fear of confrontation, and I realized that this was a thorn that God has been calling me to remove from my life, and I knew I had to thank God for this teachable moment. I had to see his love in this moment, because even with the pain I knew in my heart that "his grace would be sufficient, and his power would be made perfect in my weakness," in other words, even in failure God was gonna have my back, but he needed me to learn this lesson, and now was the time for me to learn it. I was suddenly so thankful for such a moment. And it brought me to realize how much God love's me, rather than allowing me to repeat my mistakes and make an incredible fool of myself and the ministry I serve in, he used this moment to teach me an incredible lesson, and know that even in this he still had a plan, and he still loved me.

In closing, if anyone does actually read this, realize this is a window into my life, and one that was certainly not easy to open. And the purpose is to challenge myself, and hopefully challenge those around me to really see God's love for us, as we are his children, his friends, and above all else his creation. Since most of my thoughts process through music, I though I'd end with something I wrote after all of this.

"You cover all of my weakness/ Your grace is enough for my failures/ Your promises always are true/ You made a plan for redemption/ You are my hope for salvation/ You are the God who lives in me/ And all of your love, it set's me free"

***Also after i published this i realized in order to complete my Bible journey, I would need to actually read about 30 chapters a day. Don't worry IM NOT QUITTING!!! Though I will be playing a lot less xbox :))